I'm just commenting to tell you that I like the layout and design that you've chosen for your blog. I think the rich and colorful background works great with the contrast of the bright white and the translucent black. The font color works well with the background color and the layout is simple and easy to navigate!
Hey there! I am commenting this week on your overall site and more specifically your introduction. First I should say that I am an avid elephant lover and I am very glad to see your storybook. Just looking at the coverage I am very interested in what you have to say. That is a very cute little elephant you have on your coverage by the way and I think the image you chose goes really well with your woodsy background. Your title Himalayan Elephant is very intriguing and I am interested in what Mr. Elephant has to do with the stories.
On to the introduction, I like how you have introduced the two boys as adventurous and seeking fun. The setting of the Himalayas has really intrigued me to want to learn more about who they are and why they are there. I guess when I picture the Himalayas I don’t picture people living there. Ohh! A magic elephant, love it! Wow, your addition of the wise Shaman as our storyteller was great. I think you are going to have a really good storybook at the end of your project! Overall, I did not see any misspellings or grammatical errors. You did a great job engaging me as a reader and I am excited to see the stories you tell!
Hey Hannah, I am re-commenting on your blog today for your storybook project. I have commented before on your storybook project, but this time I am gonna get to read even more! Again, I want to say that I absolutely love your storybook and the way it has developed. Elephants are really one of my most favorite animals on earth, I think you would agree. Again, your coverpage absolutely blew me away with cuteness. I am pretty much in awe. You have a great storybook here and I think it is going to turn out excellently. Your blog title is very creative and I am interested to see how you end this tale.
Since I have already commented on your spectacular introduction I will skip it for this comment.
I felt that chapter one was a great start to your storybook project. I think you did a great job writing your story, I did not see any spelling mistakes. I was very hooked as the story went on. I like this storytelling style and ideas around it. I like how chapter two continues from chapter one seamlessly. I could really tell that you were having a lot of fun writing this story book project. the ending of Chapter two left me on a cliff hanger! Whats gonna happen next!!! So much to worry about.
Hey Hannah! I'm commenting on your introduction of your storybook! I chose to read your introduction because I saw in the title it had the word "elephant," and we all know that elephants are awesome. I liked the idea that you introduced two boys as the main characters who had adventurous spirits. I admire human curiosity because it allows us to breach new barriers. I hope they do end up finding the Himalayan elephant because I want to hear all about it! From your introduction, I figure that the stories that the shaman told the boys will be retold by the boy. The only thing is I'm still confused on what the stories are about. What theme is being portrayed? And more importantly does it include an elephant? When you begin to introduce the story, will the shaman be narrator? I think all of my questions will be answered when I read your first story! I can’t wait to see you develop your story line!
I am commenting in regards to your Storybook. Your title is great and it definitely makes me curious. I think elephants are fascinating and you have already introduced the Himalayan elephant with a nice degree of mystery. Your Storybook introduction was very easy to read. This already has been brought up, but I am curious to see what the overall theme to the Storybook is going to be. I am wondering if you will continue telling the story the way you have started in the introduction or make it similar to a travel diary. I also just have a quick suggestion for your cover page. If you wanted, you could keep your original picture of the elephant and maybe add some text about the legend of the Himalayan elephant or something like that. Otherwise, everything looks great and I am interested to see where you are going to continue the story!
Hi Hannah, I clicked on your link for the story book because I read Himalayan Elephant. I have a fascination towards elephants, they are so massive and strong. However, at the same time they are so calm and well behaved (in southern India and some people kept an elephant as pet. Having an elephant as a pet showed that that family belonged to high status because only rich people could afford to keep an elephant). It was a bit weird for me reading the introduction because it was center aligned. Maybe it was because I am used left align. I like your story line and I am excited to read the stories you are going to write in your storybook. If you add conversations between the brothers and shaman in the introduction, it will be a bit more interesting to read. I did not notice any misspelled words or anything else. Good luck
The image on your storybook landing page is gorgeous. It is a perfect size to fill the entire page and the color is very vibrant. You can combine your second sentence into the first by saying, “There once were two boys who lived deep in the forests of the Himalayas, a mountain range that divides the two great countries of India and Nepal.” In your third sentence you say, “These boys grew up in the very center of it all.” What do you mean by the “center of it all?” Are they in the geographical center of the Himalayas or in a cultural center? And why, if they are in the middle of a beautiful mountain range, do they ache for adventure? In the second paragraph, you change your tenses. The first paragraph starts in past tense and then you switch to present tense for a sentence or two. In your third paragraph, instead of saying “they ached for adventure so badly,” you could say something such as, “Their adventurous spirits rid them of fear.” Your last couple paragraphs set the mood and foreshadow difficulties to come. I look forward to reading your future stories.
Introduction: This story was a great example of boy who have to learn things the hard way. I like how you had them excited to go on an adventure and had the shaman know that he could not dissuade them so he gave them help. One thing I had an issue with was the shaman helped them and told each of them stories to tell the other when they are on the adventure. He tries to dissuade them from going on the journey by using the events in the stories. But when they ignore the warnings in the stories he then gives them a map, compass, and food for the journey. It might have been better to use something else as the warning and use the stories as an added gift. I liked the spacing of the stories and I noticed only a few grammar and spelling errors in the text.
I love the picture of the elephant you used on the cover of your storybook and I also love the name that you chose for you storybook! It made me excited to start reading and learning more about what this book might entail. I was excited to start reading because I love animals and think elephants are really cool and I also love reading about nature and the mountains so this was perfect for me! I'm excited to see where the story goes with the two young adventurers wandering out in to the mountains alone and I'm very curious as to how this magical elephant is going to intertwine with their paths. I particularly loved the way you set up the scene with the two boys at the mysterious sage's house. I loved the way you described this sage trying to help the boys out and give them wise advice on how to safely travel through the Himalayas. I'm really curious as to what stories he told the boys though! I wonder if that will come in to play later on in the story.
Okay, well, first off I have to say I love your comment wall picture and might have to steal it and put it on my real life bulletin board... But to your storybook! I love that you characterized the young brothers so well right off the bat. It's just like a couple young boys to get really excited about going on an adventure, but then get board after a while. I'm glad they persisted, because I want to see what their journey brings! Another thing I really love about the storybooks is that I get a new perspective on a story each new one I read, and the idea of sages passing through the place where the Pandavas lived and sharing wisdom with them was one I hadn't really thought about. Yudhisthira's gambling problem makes so much more sense if this is the case! Really great job Hannah! I look forward to reading more!
This was my first time reading this storybook and I have to admit I was a little confused at first. The cover page definitely corresponds to the title. I felt as if the introduction was lacking a lot to do with the title, minus the mention of an elephant. However, after reading the first story, I can see that you probably meant to do this. I am excited to see how exactly the elephant will be tied to the overall story. I did see some minor problems, but they can be fixed with just proofreading. (I.e. near the end of the introduction you said “step their curious spirits” when I assume you mean stop.) Also make sure that your stories still coordinate to what you had characters say in the introduction. Good luck on your story! I’m looking forward to reading the rest of the tales to see what the symbol in the print could be!
I read the first part of your storybook last time and I enjoyed the premise and introduction so I decided to come back and read more for this week too! I loved how you set up this introduction into the first chapter of the storybook. I thought you merged the telling of the story through the characters' perspective very smoothly. I was also happy to see that the stories that the shaman first spoke of at the beginning of the storybook are starting to be revealed. Last time I read the storybook it was only mentioned that he told stories to the two boys but it didn't say anything about which stories he told. I love that you are slowly revealing these stories which relate back to the stories we are reading in class, while incorporating this new element of the mysterious Himalayan elephant as well. That gives extra excitement to the story.
Just like your actual blog page, I see that your storybook will also has a bit of an elephant theme. Very cool. I like the picture you used for you comment wall also, very cute! I started off with your introduction this week and I really like how it is about two brothers who are out to look for adventure. It makes it that much more intriguing and I found myself wanting to read more. Their need for adventure made them ignore the shaman's warnings and I just know that means they are going to get into some sort of trouble or mischief because of that. Just like the younger generation, we think that we know better, but that always doesn't end up being the case. I will be sure to come back for more stories. You've done a wonderful job with this project thus far! Keep up the good work!
First, I have to say that I think you are doing a wonderful job with your pictures. The picture for your first story really captures the feeling of the writing. You can see the relationship between the two boys. I also really like your use of dialogue, but I think you are also missing an opportunity to describe the surroundings. The boys are in the Himalayas experiencing places they have never seen before. What do they see? Snowcapped mountains, wildflowers, rivers, wildlife? What is different about the new places, and how does it make them feel? Does something that they experience remind them about a particular story? Additionally, they already seem to be discouraged about their journey; it seems strange that they would change their minds that quickly without some sort of trigger. Do their new, unfamiliar surroundings make them uneasy or did they encounter other issues? Also, I don’t think that the “To be continued…” is necessary for your final sentence. Keep up the good work!
Hello Hannah! I like the whole idea behind your blog. You are going to tell the your story through the point of view of two kids named Rajim and Kamal. They are two curious boys that are thirsty for adventure. They want to explore the Himalayas more and go to a Shaman for help before they set off on their journey. This is a cool storybook. I look forward to reading more about after reading the introduction. One note that I would like to point out is that you should proofread before you submit your story. I found one error. It should be “stop their curious spirits.” – Introduction comments
I enjoyed reading your first story. I like how you incorporate the stories we have read in class and your new story of the two boys. It seems that you leave every story with a cliffhanger. I wonder if they ever the creature that left those tracks. – Story 1 comments
I really appreciate that you chose to do a topic that has not been required reading for this class. It shows ingenuity and creativity. First, the layout of your storybook matches the feel of being out in nature and perhaps having the same experience that these boys are having. The introduction really sets the tone for the story. It is heavy with the mood of forewarning and mystery. In Chapter one, I appreciated the recap of the Pandavas time in the Himalayan wilderness. I also thought it was interesting how you described gambling as an art, which is why some of the Pandavas learned it, despite it hurting them. It really does take concentration, a knack with numbers, and a little bit of luck to be a successful gambler and you framed it in more of a light that’s positive. I also like the quip one of the brothers makes after about packing some cards too. I think ending with the brothers finding a footprint helps draw in the reader and keeps them waiting for what’s to come next.
Hey Hannah! I chose your storybook for my free choice this week and I'm glad I did! I think the introducation is great in laying out the story and giving subtle clues to what could happen later. However I think that overall, in the introducation and the first story, that I would prefer a little more elaboration or description in general. Nothing too fantastic, just a little exploration into the setting or the characters you’re using to navigate your story.
In your story I find it interesting how you’re relating the boys to the characters in the stories and using their adventure as a way to tell “campfire stories”. It’s an interesting way to tell the stories without really telling the stories. However my favorite part is the ever illusive Himalayan elephant, I’d really like to know more about the elephant and why it’s tracks are so different from a regular elephants tracks.
Hi Hannah, I am commenting in response to your story book-The Himalayan Elephant. I really enjoyed reading your story. I have previously read your introduction and I liked how you were planning your story. I see that you have changed/ fixed a lot in your introduction than last time I visited your site. Today I got to read chapter 1: The Hike. I liked the bond between the brothers; it reminds me of my sister. Especially when you mentioned that Rajim was older so he took charge, this is what usually happens between my sister and me. I am glad that the brothers stick to continuing their journey and not turn back around and go back to the village. I hope that they will keep up with that decision. I like how you quoted your conversations, this will also help me to quote the conversations between characters in my storybook. I cannot wait to read you upcoming stories. Good luck with your storybook.
Hi Hanna, First off, love the meme for the comment wall. Sticking with the theme haha. I haven't visited your Storybook yet, so I only read the Introduction. I think you did a great job. I really like how you chose to structure the story. The myth of the Himalayan Elephant is very intriguing, and I think that telling the story as through the eyes of two adventurous young boys makes it all the more intriguing. I really enjoy the outdoors and was constantly adventuring around my neighborhood when I was younger, so I think it is a fun theme. I think this will add excitement to the story as it develops.Getting the help from the old, wise, shaman makes it even more compelling. I really look forward to reading more of your stories in the future. Great job!
Hey Hanna! I am commenting on your storybook called The Hike. To me, it's really nice to read about a story that involves brotherhood or siblings because I'm very close to my brother and my cousin. I like how you formatted a storyteller to tell the two boys stories concerning the Indian Epics with a moral. It reminds me of camping with my family and how we used to tell stories. The funniest part was when the boys heard the storyteller's warning and they look for more trouble by searching for sacred waters! You left the story with a suspenseful cliffhanger which makes me want to read more. Your story and character development are on point! I'll be back to read some more!
Hi Hannah, I am writing in response your storybook – “The Himalayan Elephant”. When Kamal woke Rajim up from sleep to follow the giant footsteps, I had a very bad feeling. I felt as if they should have left those footsteps alone and not trace it, but at the same time, my curiosity could not be held in anymore and I wanted to know what kind of creature have left those footsteps behind. I really could not believe you just ended the story there! I have to know if they will find the Himalayan elephant and if the footstep is of Himalayan elephant of something scary. I really enjoy reading your stories (even though it kills me with curiosity). What I like the best about your stories is that they are sweet and short. I really liked your writing style and how your storybook is going in a good flow. Cannot wait to read what is going to happen to the boys in the upcoming stories.
First of all I am a huge fan of elephants and I love the picture/meme you included at the top of this page. I like the background/theme of your blog. I also like how you are telling the story from the perspective of two boys Rajim and Kamal. They seem like adventurous boys who want to explore the Himalayas and set off on a journey. adventure. I thought this story book was cool and definitely is one of the storybooks I will come to read more again. I thought your first story was great and thought it was clever how you used stories we have already read in class. I like how you keep the story going on by ending it with a suspense or cliffhanger. Overall, great job!
Hey Hannah! This is like my third time to read your storybook so far I believe and I like the way it has progressed so far. You’ve been doing a really good job at intertwining the stories of the Ramayana with the story of the two boys wondering through the Himalayas. I love the way you incorporate old stories with the current story, all while they are experiencing new exciting adventures the whole time. This keeps the action level up the whole time and I never found myself getting bored while reading. I’m not sure if you did this intentionally or not, but I like how one of the boys said “I hope we are never forced into exile…” as they are traveling farther into the mysterious Himalayas. It’s like they are kind of forcing themselves into exile in a way just by traveling into the mountains alone without food. I imagine that the big animal that they see at the end is the mysterious Himalayan elephant but you never know! I look forward to reading more and finding out what happens next.
Hey Hannah! I'm back again to comment on your storybook! As I said before I really liked your introduction and the first storybook, and it makes sense that I would like your second storybook as well! Honestly it's like I could tell you were getting excited because I felt more into the second story as well, almost as if I could feel your excitement through the story. I think that the epics are a great distraction from hunger because they can be really long and drawn out. Also I like how you mention that the boys have visited the shaman at different times so that neither of them know all the stories of the Indian Epics. Also I feel like there is a lot of personality in your characters and I think that adds a lot to the story. I really like what you have going and I can't wait to see more from you!
Hi Hannah! I chose to take a look at your storybook this week because I have not had a chance to look through it yet. First of all, I love the meme you chose to add to your comment wall! It made me laugh. I was initially drawn to your storybook because I love elephants. They have always been my absolute favorite animal! I carried around a stuffed elephant around with my everywhere when I was a child, so naturally I love your theme. I thought this was a creative take on a storybook, and definitely different than everyone else 's! I thought it was cool that you focused on the elephants but still did a good job incorporating characters we are familiar with. I loved all of your pictures and the layout was easily accessible and put together nicely. Overall, I think you have done a great Job! I think you have a great thing going on right now, and I'm excited to see your final product! Keep up the good work!
Hi Hannah! I have commented on your story book before but I will be commenting again. I really like the layout and design of your story book. I also really like the cover photo you included in the cover page. I really like elephants so I really enjoyed the pictures. The picture reminds me of the elephants and scenery I have seen while visiting Indian. I liked your introduction and your first story. I thought they were well written with no grammatical mistakes. I thought all of your stories are adventurous and the pictures you included give a good image of what is going on. I like the characters in your stories as well. I thought you did a great job portraying them. Overall, I thought you did a great job! I will be looking forward to reading more of your stories.
Hi Hannah. I read your introduction a couple of weeks ago and really liked your storybook, so I decided I would come back and read some more for the extra credit assignment. I read your first story “The Hike”. I think you did a great job with this one. You make ties back to the shaman and keep within the theme of the story very well. I particularly liked how realistic you make the story seem. You start the story off with the little boys getting bored soon after starting their journey, which is exactly what would happen in real life. This provides a great transition into the actual story telling also, as the boys need something to entertain themselves. The writing was well done; I did not see any errors in grammar or punctuation. You had a good close to the story as well. It leaves the readers with a cliffhanger that keeps them interesting and wanting to read more. Great job.
I really enjoyed reading your introduction. Just from reading your introduction, I could already tell that your storybook was going be adventurous and about exploration. My favorite genre happens to be adventure. Your writing was very clear and concise. I did not notice and punctuation or grammatical errors while reading. Good job! The format of your whole storybook was very clean and simplistic. This made it look more professional and well-polished.
While reading you story, I could not help but think about Lord of the Rings. I am not sure if you know anything about the Lord of the Rings but the old man Shaman reminded me of Gandalf and Kamal and Rajim were the hobbits. Shaman guided the boys and gave the boys a map for the journey – kind of similar to what Gandalf did for the hobbits. I look forward to reading more your stories in your storybook!
Hello Hannah! I am visiting your storybook for the second time. The design and color scheme of your storybook reminds me of an adventurous theme, which is perfect for your story. The images that you choose in each story also fit into the plot of your story. I really like what you are doing with your story. The journey of Kamal and Rajim is very interesting. They were daring enough to go out on a dangerous adventure and in the end found the elephant that they were looking for. You are a really good writer. In each of your sentences you incorporate a lot of detail that helps me visualize the story. I like how the Shaman tells each of the brothers different stories and they teach each other about the stories throughout the trip. Good job on your project for the semester. Enjoy the rest of the class and good luck.
Introduction: Greetings! I like the word choice of “ached.” In the second paragraph the boys are shown to be hiking all about while they have free time. In the next sentence you claim that they are not allowed to leave the village because it is dangerous. If only the mountain is dangerous then perhaps the continuity of the story could still be kept intact. I like the way you drag the reader in. I can’t wait to see what happens to the boys. I think that the picture fits the story, but I don’t see a link. The paragraph spacing is good and I do not think that any one paragraph is too large. I think that the transitions are good as well. I am not sure on how close you are to word count but I feel that the shaman situation could be further explored, for example why does he let them go without trying to stop them, telling their parents, or seemingly any other course of action besides just letting them go? I feel that their approach to the stories is too harsh because if they rejected the stories as much as they did then why would they continue to tell them? I know it looks like I ripped apart your introduction, but it really was good. I just had trouble understanding it. I very well may be in a minority and everyone else understands it.
Hey, Hannah! I haven’t read your story book in a while so I figured I’d use my free choice for this week to see how things are going. I though you did a great job of transitioning to your most recent addition to the story book, where the boys discover the Himalayan elephant grazing in a meadow. I like how you started the story with Rajim saying that Hastinapura translates to “The Elephant City” as it is being described that they have stumbled upon the mysterious animal of legend. You also did a really nice job of setting up the imagery for this story. I could picture the scene perfectly with the two boys watching the elephant from the distance up in the trees. All in all, I thought you did a very good job with this story and I am excited to read more! I am curious to see where the story is going to go now that the boys have actually found the elephant!
Hi Hannah! This is my first time viewing your Storybook! First of all, your cover page and background are a perfect description of what your Storybook is about! Your Introduction was very well written- it was very clear and concise. It definitely gave us a good background on the Himalayas and the boys, Kamal and Rajim. I love the elephant theme that you have going on because it feels so Indian as elephants are a huge part of India’s history. I also read Chapter 1 of your Storybook. The story that you chose was also very well written, clear, and concise. It provided enough detail and a lot of dialogue, which helped improve the story even more! I also wanted to add that I love the picture you have placed on your Comment Wall- it is perfect for your Storybook! Good job on everything so far and keep up the work! I look forward to reading more of your stories!
Hi Hannah! It's been a while since Ive visited your storybook, so I thought I'd come back and see how your final product turned out. I have to say, I'm so impressed with how everything came together. I love looking at everyone's storybooks because each one is so unique and special, and yours is no different. It really made me wish I would have taken the time to come up with a theme i really loved and made a storybook instead of a portfolio. As I said before, I absolutely love elephants, so yours Is one of my very favorites. I didn't get the chance to read every one of your stories, but the couple I did read were so great! Great job on everything, it turned out so well!
I'm just commenting to tell you that I like the layout and design that you've chosen for your blog. I think the rich and colorful background works great with the contrast of the bright white and the translucent black. The font color works well with the background color and the layout is simple and easy to navigate!
ReplyDeleteHey there! I am commenting this week on your overall site and more specifically your introduction. First I should say that I am an avid elephant lover and I am very glad to see your storybook. Just looking at the coverage I am very interested in what you have to say. That is a very cute little elephant you have on your coverage by the way and I think the image you chose goes really well with your woodsy background. Your title Himalayan Elephant is very intriguing and I am interested in what Mr. Elephant has to do with the stories.
ReplyDeleteOn to the introduction, I like how you have introduced the two boys as adventurous and seeking fun. The setting of the Himalayas has really intrigued me to want to learn more about who they are and why they are there. I guess when I picture the Himalayas I don’t picture people living there. Ohh! A magic elephant, love it! Wow, your addition of the wise Shaman as our storyteller was great. I think you are going to have a really good storybook at the end of your project! Overall, I did not see any misspellings or grammatical errors. You did a great job engaging me as a reader and I am excited to see the stories you tell!
Hey Hannah, I am re-commenting on your blog today for your storybook project. I have commented before on your storybook project, but this time I am gonna get to read even more! Again, I want to say that I absolutely love your storybook and the way it has developed. Elephants are really one of my most favorite animals on earth, I think you would agree. Again, your coverpage absolutely blew me away with cuteness. I am pretty much in awe. You have a great storybook here and I think it is going to turn out excellently. Your blog title is very creative and I am interested to see how you end this tale.
DeleteSince I have already commented on your spectacular introduction I will skip it for this comment.
I felt that chapter one was a great start to your storybook project. I think you did a great job writing your story, I did not see any spelling mistakes. I was very hooked as the story went on. I like this storytelling style and ideas around it. I like how chapter two continues from chapter one seamlessly. I could really tell that you were having a lot of fun writing this story book project. the ending of Chapter two left me on a cliff hanger! Whats gonna happen next!!! So much to worry about.
Hey Hannah! I'm commenting on your introduction of your storybook! I chose to read your introduction because I saw in the title it had the word "elephant," and we all know that elephants are awesome. I liked the idea that you introduced two boys as the main characters who had adventurous spirits. I admire human curiosity because it allows us to breach new barriers. I hope they do end up finding the Himalayan elephant because I want to hear all about it! From your introduction, I figure that the stories that the shaman told the boys will be retold by the boy. The only thing is I'm still confused on what the stories are about. What theme is being portrayed? And more importantly does it include an elephant? When you begin to introduce the story, will the shaman be narrator? I think all of my questions will be answered when I read your first story! I can’t wait to see you develop your story line!
ReplyDeleteI am commenting in regards to your Storybook. Your title is great and it definitely makes me curious. I think elephants are fascinating and you have already introduced the Himalayan elephant with a nice degree of mystery. Your Storybook introduction was very easy to read. This already has been brought up, but I am curious to see what the overall theme to the Storybook is going to be. I am wondering if you will continue telling the story the way you have started in the introduction or make it similar to a travel diary.
ReplyDeleteI also just have a quick suggestion for your cover page. If you wanted, you could keep your original picture of the elephant and maybe add some text about the legend of the Himalayan elephant or something like that.
Otherwise, everything looks great and I am interested to see where you are going to continue the story!
Hi Hannah,
ReplyDeleteI clicked on your link for the story book because I read Himalayan Elephant. I have a fascination towards elephants, they are so massive and strong. However, at the same time they are so calm and well behaved (in southern India and some people kept an elephant as pet. Having an elephant as a pet showed that that family belonged to high status because only rich people could afford to keep an elephant). It was a bit weird for me reading the introduction because it was center aligned. Maybe it was because I am used left align. I like your story line and I am excited to read the stories you are going to write in your storybook. If you add conversations between the brothers and shaman in the introduction, it will be a bit more interesting to read. I did not notice any misspelled words or anything else. Good luck
The image on your storybook landing page is gorgeous. It is a perfect size to fill the entire page and the color is very vibrant. You can combine your second sentence into the first by saying, “There once were two boys who lived deep in the forests of the Himalayas, a mountain range that divides the two great countries of India and Nepal.” In your third sentence you say, “These boys grew up in the very center of it all.” What do you mean by the “center of it all?” Are they in the geographical center of the Himalayas or in a cultural center? And why, if they are in the middle of a beautiful mountain range, do they ache for adventure? In the second paragraph, you change your tenses. The first paragraph starts in past tense and then you switch to present tense for a sentence or two. In your third paragraph, instead of saying “they ached for adventure so badly,” you could say something such as, “Their adventurous spirits rid them of fear.” Your last couple paragraphs set the mood and foreshadow difficulties to come. I look forward to reading your future stories.
ReplyDeleteIntroduction:
ReplyDeleteThis story was a great example of boy who have to learn things the hard way. I like how you had them excited to go on an adventure and had the shaman know that he could not dissuade them so he gave them help. One thing I had an issue with was the shaman helped them and told each of them stories to tell the other when they are on the adventure. He tries to dissuade them from going on the journey by using the events in the stories. But when they ignore the warnings in the stories he then gives them a map, compass, and food for the journey. It might have been better to use something else as the warning and use the stories as an added gift. I liked the spacing of the stories and I noticed only a few grammar and spelling errors in the text.
I love the picture of the elephant you used on the cover of your storybook and I also love the name that you chose for you storybook! It made me excited to start reading and learning more about what this book might entail. I was excited to start reading because I love animals and think elephants are really cool and I also love reading about nature and the mountains so this was perfect for me! I'm excited to see where the story goes with the two young adventurers wandering out in to the mountains alone and I'm very curious as to how this magical elephant is going to intertwine with their paths. I particularly loved the way you set up the scene with the two boys at the mysterious sage's house. I loved the way you described this sage trying to help the boys out and give them wise advice on how to safely travel through the Himalayas. I'm really curious as to what stories he told the boys though! I wonder if that will come in to play later on in the story.
ReplyDeleteOkay, well, first off I have to say I love your comment wall picture and might have to steal it and put it on my real life bulletin board... But to your storybook! I love that you characterized the young brothers so well right off the bat. It's just like a couple young boys to get really excited about going on an adventure, but then get board after a while. I'm glad they persisted, because I want to see what their journey brings! Another thing I really love about the storybooks is that I get a new perspective on a story each new one I read, and the idea of sages passing through the place where the Pandavas lived and sharing wisdom with them was one I hadn't really thought about. Yudhisthira's gambling problem makes so much more sense if this is the case! Really great job Hannah! I look forward to reading more!
ReplyDeleteThis was my first time reading this storybook and I have to admit I was a little confused at first. The cover page definitely corresponds to the title. I felt as if the introduction was lacking a lot to do with the title, minus the mention of an elephant. However, after reading the first story, I can see that you probably meant to do this. I am excited to see how exactly the elephant will be tied to the overall story. I did see some minor problems, but they can be fixed with just proofreading. (I.e. near the end of the introduction you said “step their curious spirits” when I assume you mean stop.) Also make sure that your stories still coordinate to what you had characters say in the introduction. Good luck on your story! I’m looking forward to reading the rest of the tales to see what the symbol in the print could be!
ReplyDeleteI read the first part of your storybook last time and I enjoyed the premise and introduction so I decided to come back and read more for this week too! I loved how you set up this introduction into the first chapter of the storybook. I thought you merged the telling of the story through the characters' perspective very smoothly. I was also happy to see that the stories that the shaman first spoke of at the beginning of the storybook are starting to be revealed. Last time I read the storybook it was only mentioned that he told stories to the two boys but it didn't say anything about which stories he told. I love that you are slowly revealing these stories which relate back to the stories we are reading in class, while incorporating this new element of the mysterious Himalayan elephant as well. That gives extra excitement to the story.
ReplyDeleteHi Hannah,
ReplyDeleteJust like your actual blog page, I see that your storybook will also has a bit of an elephant theme. Very cool. I like the picture you used for you comment wall also, very cute!
I started off with your introduction this week and I really like how it is about two brothers who are out to look for adventure. It makes it that much more intriguing and I found myself wanting to read more. Their need for adventure made them ignore the shaman's warnings and I just know that means they are going to get into some sort of trouble or mischief because of that. Just like the younger generation, we think that we know better, but that always doesn't end up being the case. I will be sure to come back for more stories. You've done a wonderful job with this project thus far! Keep up the good work!
First, I have to say that I think you are doing a wonderful job with your pictures. The picture for your first story really captures the feeling of the writing. You can see the relationship between the two boys. I also really like your use of dialogue, but I think you are also missing an opportunity to describe the surroundings. The boys are in the Himalayas experiencing places they have never seen before. What do they see? Snowcapped mountains, wildflowers, rivers, wildlife? What is different about the new places, and how does it make them feel? Does something that they experience remind them about a particular story? Additionally, they already seem to be discouraged about their journey; it seems strange that they would change their minds that quickly without some sort of trigger. Do their new, unfamiliar surroundings make them uneasy or did they encounter other issues? Also, I don’t think that the “To be continued…” is necessary for your final sentence. Keep up the good work!
ReplyDeleteHello Hannah! I like the whole idea behind your blog. You are going to tell the your story through the point of view of two kids named Rajim and Kamal. They are two curious boys that are thirsty for adventure. They want to explore the Himalayas more and go to a Shaman for help before they set off on their journey. This is a cool storybook. I look forward to reading more about after reading the introduction. One note that I would like to point out is that you should proofread before you submit your story. I found one error. It should be “stop their curious spirits.” – Introduction comments
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed reading your first story. I like how you incorporate the stories we have read in class and your new story of the two boys. It seems that you leave every story with a cliffhanger. I wonder if they ever the creature that left those tracks. – Story 1 comments
I really appreciate that you chose to do a topic that has not been required reading for this class. It shows ingenuity and creativity. First, the layout of your storybook matches the feel of being out in nature and perhaps having the same experience that these boys are having. The introduction really sets the tone for the story. It is heavy with the mood of forewarning and mystery. In Chapter one, I appreciated the recap of the Pandavas time in the Himalayan wilderness. I also thought it was interesting how you described gambling as an art, which is why some of the Pandavas learned it, despite it hurting them. It really does take concentration, a knack with numbers, and a little bit of luck to be a successful gambler and you framed it in more of a light that’s positive. I also like the quip one of the brothers makes after about packing some cards too. I think ending with the brothers finding a footprint helps draw in the reader and keeps them waiting for what’s to come next.
ReplyDeleteGod I love that meme.
Hey Hannah! I chose your storybook for my free choice this week and I'm glad I did! I think the introducation is great in laying out the story and giving subtle clues to what could happen later. However I think that overall, in the introducation and the first story, that I would prefer a little more elaboration or description in general. Nothing too fantastic, just a little exploration into the setting or the characters you’re using to navigate your story.
ReplyDeleteIn your story I find it interesting how you’re relating the boys to the characters in the stories and using their adventure as a way to tell “campfire stories”. It’s an interesting way to tell the stories without really telling the stories. However my favorite part is the ever illusive Himalayan elephant, I’d really like to know more about the elephant and why it’s tracks are so different from a regular elephants tracks.
Hi Hannah,
ReplyDeleteI am commenting in response to your story book-The Himalayan Elephant. I really enjoyed reading your story. I have previously read your introduction and I liked how you were planning your story. I see that you have changed/ fixed a lot in your introduction than last time I visited your site. Today I got to read chapter 1: The Hike. I liked the bond between the brothers; it reminds me of my sister. Especially when you mentioned that Rajim was older so he took charge, this is what usually happens between my sister and me. I am glad that the brothers stick to continuing their journey and not turn back around and go back to the village. I hope that they will keep up with that decision. I like how you quoted your conversations, this will also help me to quote the conversations between characters in my storybook. I cannot wait to read you upcoming stories. Good luck with your storybook.
Hi Hanna,
ReplyDeleteFirst off, love the meme for the comment wall. Sticking with the theme haha. I haven't visited your Storybook yet, so I only read the Introduction. I think you did a great job. I really like how you chose to structure the story. The myth of the Himalayan Elephant is very intriguing, and I think that telling the story as through the eyes of two adventurous young boys makes it all the more intriguing. I really enjoy the outdoors and was constantly adventuring around my neighborhood when I was younger, so I think it is a fun theme. I think this will add excitement to the story as it develops.Getting the help from the old, wise, shaman makes it even more compelling. I really look forward to reading more of your stories in the future. Great job!
Hey Hanna!
ReplyDeleteI am commenting on your storybook called The Hike. To me, it's really nice to read about a story that involves brotherhood or siblings because I'm very close to my brother and my cousin. I like how you formatted a storyteller to tell the two boys stories concerning the Indian Epics with a moral. It reminds me of camping with my family and how we used to tell stories. The funniest part was when the boys heard the storyteller's warning and they look for more trouble by searching for sacred waters! You left the story with a suspenseful cliffhanger which makes me want to read more. Your story and character development are on point! I'll be back to read some more!
Hi Hannah, I am writing in response your storybook – “The Himalayan Elephant”. When Kamal woke Rajim up from sleep to follow the giant footsteps, I had a very bad feeling. I felt as if they should have left those footsteps alone and not trace it, but at the same time, my curiosity could not be held in anymore and I wanted to know what kind of creature have left those footsteps behind. I really could not believe you just ended the story there! I have to know if they will find the Himalayan elephant and if the footstep is of Himalayan elephant of something scary. I really enjoy reading your stories (even though it kills me with curiosity). What I like the best about your stories is that they are sweet and short. I really liked your writing style and how your storybook is going in a good flow. Cannot wait to read what is going to happen to the boys in the upcoming stories.
ReplyDeleteFirst of all I am a huge fan of elephants and I love the picture/meme you included at the top of this page. I like the background/theme of your blog. I also like how you are telling the story from the perspective of two boys Rajim and Kamal. They seem like adventurous boys who want to explore the Himalayas and set off on a journey. adventure. I thought this story book was cool and definitely is one of the storybooks I will come to read more again. I thought your first story was great and thought it was clever how you used stories we have already read in class. I like how you keep the story going on by ending it with a suspense or cliffhanger. Overall, great job!
ReplyDeleteHey Hannah! This is like my third time to read your storybook so far I believe and I like the way it has progressed so far. You’ve been doing a really good job at intertwining the stories of the Ramayana with the story of the two boys wondering through the Himalayas. I love the way you incorporate old stories with the current story, all while they are experiencing new exciting adventures the whole time. This keeps the action level up the whole time and I never found myself getting bored while reading. I’m not sure if you did this intentionally or not, but I like how one of the boys said “I hope we are never forced into exile…” as they are traveling farther into the mysterious Himalayas. It’s like they are kind of forcing themselves into exile in a way just by traveling into the mountains alone without food. I imagine that the big animal that they see at the end is the mysterious Himalayan elephant but you never know! I look forward to reading more and finding out what happens next.
ReplyDeleteHey Hannah! I'm back again to comment on your storybook! As I said before I really liked your introduction and the first storybook, and it makes sense that I would like your second storybook as well! Honestly it's like I could tell you were getting excited because I felt more into the second story as well, almost as if I could feel your excitement through the story. I think that the epics are a great distraction from hunger because they can be really long and drawn out. Also I like how you mention that the boys have visited the shaman at different times so that neither of them know all the stories of the Indian Epics. Also I feel like there is a lot of personality in your characters and I think that adds a lot to the story. I really like what you have going and I can't wait to see more from you!
ReplyDeleteHi Hannah! I chose to take a look at your storybook this week because I have not had a chance to look through it yet. First of all, I love the meme you chose to add to your comment wall! It made me laugh. I was initially drawn to your storybook because I love elephants. They have always been my absolute favorite animal! I carried around a stuffed elephant around with my everywhere when I was a child, so naturally I love your theme. I thought this was a creative take on a storybook, and definitely different than everyone else 's! I thought it was cool that you focused on the elephants but still did a good job incorporating characters we are familiar with. I loved all of your pictures and the layout was easily accessible and put together nicely. Overall, I think you have done a great Job! I think you have a great thing going on right now, and I'm excited to see your final product! Keep up the good work!
ReplyDeleteHi Hannah! I have commented on your story book before but I will be commenting again. I really like the layout and design of your story book. I also really like the cover photo you included in the cover page. I really like elephants so I really enjoyed the pictures. The picture reminds me of the elephants and scenery I have seen while visiting Indian. I liked your introduction and your first story. I thought they were well written with no grammatical mistakes. I thought all of your stories are adventurous and the pictures you included give a good image of what is going on. I like the characters in your stories as well. I thought you did a great job portraying them. Overall, I thought you did a great job! I will be looking forward to reading more of your stories.
ReplyDeleteHi Hannah. I read your introduction a couple of weeks ago and really liked your storybook, so I decided I would come back and read some more for the extra credit assignment. I read your first story “The Hike”. I think you did a great job with this one. You make ties back to the shaman and keep within the theme of the story very well. I particularly liked how realistic you make the story seem. You start the story off with the little boys getting bored soon after starting their journey, which is exactly what would happen in real life. This provides a great transition into the actual story telling also, as the boys need something to entertain themselves. The writing was well done; I did not see any errors in grammar or punctuation. You had a good close to the story as well. It leaves the readers with a cliffhanger that keeps them interesting and wanting to read more. Great job.
ReplyDeleteHey Hannah!
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed reading your introduction. Just from reading your introduction, I could already tell that your storybook was going be adventurous and about exploration. My favorite genre happens to be adventure. Your writing was very clear and concise. I did not notice and punctuation or grammatical errors while reading. Good job! The format of your whole storybook was very clean and simplistic. This made it look more professional and well-polished.
While reading you story, I could not help but think about Lord of the Rings. I am not sure if you know anything about the Lord of the Rings but the old man Shaman reminded me of Gandalf and Kamal and Rajim were the hobbits. Shaman guided the boys and gave the boys a map for the journey – kind of similar to what Gandalf did for the hobbits. I look forward to reading more your stories in your storybook!
Hello Hannah! I am visiting your storybook for the second time. The design and color scheme of your storybook reminds me of an adventurous theme, which is perfect for your story. The images that you choose in each story also fit into the plot of your story. I really like what you are doing with your story. The journey of Kamal and Rajim is very interesting. They were daring enough to go out on a dangerous adventure and in the end found the elephant that they were looking for. You are a really good writer. In each of your sentences you incorporate a lot of detail that helps me visualize the story. I like how the Shaman tells each of the brothers different stories and they teach each other about the stories throughout the trip. Good job on your project for the semester. Enjoy the rest of the class and good luck.
ReplyDeleteIntroduction: Greetings! I like the word choice of “ached.” In the second paragraph the boys are shown to be hiking all about while they have free time. In the next sentence you claim that they are not allowed to leave the village because it is dangerous. If only the mountain is dangerous then perhaps the continuity of the story could still be kept intact. I like the way you drag the reader in. I can’t wait to see what happens to the boys. I think that the picture fits the story, but I don’t see a link. The paragraph spacing is good and I do not think that any one paragraph is too large. I think that the transitions are good as well. I am not sure on how close you are to word count but I feel that the shaman situation could be further explored, for example why does he let them go without trying to stop them, telling their parents, or seemingly any other course of action besides just letting them go? I feel that their approach to the stories is too harsh because if they rejected the stories as much as they did then why would they continue to tell them? I know it looks like I ripped apart your introduction, but it really was good. I just had trouble understanding it. I very well may be in a minority and everyone else understands it.
ReplyDeleteHey, Hannah! I haven’t read your story book in a while so I figured I’d use my free choice for this week to see how things are going. I though you did a great job of transitioning to your most recent addition to the story book, where the boys discover the Himalayan elephant grazing in a meadow. I like how you started the story with Rajim saying that Hastinapura translates to “The Elephant City” as it is being described that they have stumbled upon the mysterious animal of legend. You also did a really nice job of setting up the imagery for this story. I could picture the scene perfectly with the two boys watching the elephant from the distance up in the trees. All in all, I thought you did a very good job with this story and I am excited to read more! I am curious to see where the story is going to go now that the boys have actually found the elephant!
ReplyDeleteHi Hannah! This is my first time viewing your Storybook! First of all, your cover page and background are a perfect description of what your Storybook is about! Your Introduction was very well written- it was very clear and concise. It definitely gave us a good background on the Himalayas and the boys, Kamal and Rajim. I love the elephant theme that you have going on because it feels so Indian as elephants are a huge part of India’s history. I also read Chapter 1 of your Storybook. The story that you chose was also very well written, clear, and concise. It provided enough detail and a lot of dialogue, which helped improve the story even more! I also wanted to add that I love the picture you have placed on your Comment Wall- it is perfect for your Storybook! Good job on everything so far and keep up the work! I look forward to reading more of your stories!
ReplyDeleteHi Hannah! It's been a while since Ive visited your storybook, so I thought I'd come back and see how your final product turned out. I have to say, I'm so impressed with how everything came together. I love looking at everyone's storybooks because each one is so unique and special, and yours is no different. It really made me wish I would have taken the time to come up with a theme i really loved and made a storybook instead of a portfolio. As I said before, I absolutely love elephants, so yours Is one of my very favorites. I didn't get the chance to read every one of your stories, but the couple I did read were so great! Great job on everything, it turned out so well!
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